First, before I begin my post tonight, I had to share this blog post. She is a fellow (Twitter) friend that could use some prayers. There are so many of you that have been here, some after multiple losses like her, but yet we find hope. We hang onto it, because miracles do exist. I thought her perspective was beautiful, I just had to share. If you could say an extra prayer for her tonight, I know how much she’d appreciate it. I would too, as I want this for her so badly.
My blog post: Healing
I know I’m healing. I can feel it. I’m eating healthy, working out, and I’m physically stronger than I’ve been in over a year. I’ve come along way from sleeping all day after my 4th miscarriage to being at the gym by 6am and from Reese’s Pieces to grilled chicken salads. I’m on Week 8 of C25K and I’m running a 5k this weekend. I’m also pleased to say I’m down 12. 8lbs in 5weeks. I’m feeling stronger. In some ways, I’m also feeling proud of my body, which I couldn’t say a month ago. I know it’s not much, but I benched 85lbs this morning. The first week I could barely do the bar, which was 45lbs.
I even talked about my losses today without crying to my trainer and another person on my weight loss challenge team. Physically, I feel stronger and I have more energy, but I can also feel little glimpses of healing. T is even noticing too.
The other night when T came in from the garage at 8pm, he heard Eric Church blaring in the kitchen, me singing at the top of my lungs, all while I was baking gluten-free oatmeal muffins. Cheesecake and I were dancing in the kitchen while Bailey barked at us. T opened the door and stood there watching us for a bit before I even noticed he was there.
I saw him and stopped and laughed. He decided to join us. I must say though, that we have no rhythm, we cannot dance. Did you ever see Hitch with Will Smith and Kevin James? Yeah T dances like Kevin James in that movie. :) We stopped dancing at the change of the song of the next song, I pulled the muffins out of the oven, and he kissed me.. I said, “What was that for?” And he said, “I just love you..”
I knew, in that moment though that it was really because he hasn’t seen me dancing in the kitchen in ages. He hasn’t seen me laughing or baking or singing at the top of my lungs.
I still have my setbacks, like today when we went to dinner for a ‘semi-cheat’ meal and I was served by a teenager with the cutest bump. Yes, I know there will always be triggers, always… but it’s nice to know that I’m not only feeling stronger physically, but I’m also feeling a bit stronger emotionally. It’s one step at a time and handling the emotions as they come. But I’m going to recognize my moments of healing and be grateful for them.