I wrote about my brother last night in Addiction is rough..part 1
After visiting my brother last Wednesday (10/15), I know he WANTS to change, however sometimes that desire is overcome by addiction, no matter how much you want it.
I remember the thousands of times my mom, who was living in a hotel getting high, would tell me that she wanted us back. She would tell us all the dreams she had and I believed her…over and over again. Then sometimes only hours after our conversation, drugs proved to have too much control over her.
One day though, I learned that I would finally hear the last promise and her words would be put into actions. 11-12 years ago, she kept that promise. When she promised that final time, I didn’t believe her but I still had hope. She was addicted long before I was born, but finally when I was 20 years old, my mom made the choice to become clean.. and she has never looked back.
I remember every time my mom made small gains in her recovery, and then extreme setbacks, I’d hope and hope that just maybe ‘this time’ was different. You hang onto hope. I felt like I had no other choice. Only the last promise didn’t end the same way as all the other promises. It was different and my hope wasn’t met with devastation. I guess this is what allows me to hold onto hope through RPL..that maybe someday I’ll hold my child in my arms. That maybe the next time will be different for me too.
I have the same hope for my brother.. that one of these times, it will end better for him. One day I’m praying comes soon.
My mom and I attended his hearing on Wednesday (10/22) and I sat through case after case of drug addiction. My heart sank every time I heard my mom sniffle or grab a tissue because she was crying. I wanted to reach out and hug the mom behind me that sobbed as she watched her heroin addicted daughter being sentenced. I can’t tell you how much addiction changes an entire family. I sat through 2-3 hours of sentencing before it was my brother’s turn.
Tears welled up in my eyes when my brother was police escorted into the court room in handcuffs.
It began with his PO speaking on his behalf, followed by a long lecture from the judge, and then he was sentenced. He could have gotten a maximum of 2 years for his last drug charge or a minimum of 30 days for breaking parole. I don’t even know what I was hoping for. I guess I was just hoping the judge would help him somehow, whatever that may be.
He got 30 days, which he already served waiting for his hearing. My mother and I were shocked because he was going to be released that night at 8pm. But the judge stated that he had to immediately sign up for an outpatient drug rehab, attend counseling at least once a week, have a job within 30 days, pass biweekly drug tests, and stay out of trouble or he’s back in for his maximum sentence.
Later that night, I arrived at the prison at 7:30pm. It was a bit dark and scary, but T came along. He refused to let me go in town by myself, at night, where inmates were being released. I assured him that I’d be fine, but he wouldn’t hear it and came along anyway.
Only my brother didn’t know we were coming (he didn’t get a phone call) and they ended up releasing him at 7:15pm. So, we just missed him. T and I drove around the city searching for him. We knew of a few places he might go and we literally found him 3 doors away from my mom’s ex’s house (the only father figure my brother had, although also an addict).
It was cold, dark and I couldn’t really tell if it was him. I yelled his name out the car window, he looked at me and I asked him if he wanted a ride. My mom’s house was 40 minutes away from here, the buses weren’t running and he had no money for a taxi. Needless to say, he was happy to see me.
We picked him up, took him to Applebee’s for dinner and had a long discussion about his future. T was very stern, yet supportive the entire time. My brother respects T. But rarely does T give his option about things, but he did this time. My brother just sat and listened taking it all in.
The discussion was really good and he seemed like he wanted to change this time. He even asked me if I’d go to counseling with him. This is HUGE. First, to be willing to go back to counseling and second, for him to ask me to go. I told him I’d go, he just had to let me know when. I will make that a priority. I’m guarded though.. I worry he will relapse, but then I think, Maybe THIS time will be different.
Finally we dropped him off at my mom’s at 9:30pm and made it home by 10:15.
The next day (yesterday), he got accepted to an outpatient rehab center, applied for financial aid to help pay for his treatment, attended his first counseling session (with the lady he saw last time) and even met with his parole officer because she had an opening at 4pm. My mom also took him to apply at two temp agencies for a job and another metal works place near his home. He applied for 2nd shift so he’ll be at work when my mom is at work and home when she is home.
He broke up with his drug-addicted, enabling, awful girlfriend and he even said, “My number one priority is taking care of my son.” He didn’t say that last time. The only thing he could think about was seeing her and getting his next fix.
In order to keep him out of trouble tonight, I’m picking him up at 5:00pm for dinner. I’ll also bring him back to my house to go through all the crap he has stored in our basement. He wanted to go through it anyway, but I’m just hoping it helps keep him out of trouble tonight. I know realistically I cannot guard him from the world, but being his older sister and the one who has always looked out for him, I just want to protect him. I know though this is something I cannot do. He’s an adult now and makes his own choices.
T also made plans to go out for wings with him on Monday night. I know this has to be difficult for T too, but he’s trying to reach out as well.
As long as my brother’s clean, whatever length of time that is, we will continue to make an effort. I’m just praying that it stays this way. I just need him to get a job soon to keep him out of trouble and away from his other life. I just need his rehab to work. I just need my brother back.