I had an amazing weekend at a cousin’s ‘wedding party’ on Saturday. I am not sure what to call it because they eloped in Vegas around the middle of June and had a party to celebrate. Then a family picnic today. Two days full of Corn Hole and Washer games, great food, beer, laughs and catching up with old friends and family. I cannot remember the last time I laughed so hard about nothing at all. When was the last time I laughed like that? It was so nice to feel like my pre-recurrent-pregnancy-loss self again, even if it’s only for two days. Instead of stomach pains from anxiety or medication, my stomach pains were from laughing. What a great feeling? A feeling that’s so easy to ignore and forget. It just felt nice. I just don’t do that enough anymore. I have got to work on that.
So although I’m relaxed, “Operation: Health” officially starts tomorrow. I have already started adjusting my diet so it isn’t such a shock. I am still nervous. But my desire to get this under control again outweighs my anxiety. Not only that, I need something else to focus on. So what am I nervous about?
I’m nervous to be on a team. I am nervous I might somehow let them down. I am nervous I won’t be liked. I am nervous it will be too hard. I am nervous I’ll fail.
However, I know that the majority of the things I worry about have no merit (outside of pregnancy of corse) and I will be fine. I will not let people down. The team will be great! I will be liked. And I’ve been through things much harder than this before. I will be just fine. I will let you know how it goes.
On a side note: Another Facebook announcement. Why haven’t I deactivated my account yet? No seriously? Why do I do this to myself? Here’s the good thing about Facebook- I spend WAY more time on my blog and reader now, where I am okay with pregnancy talk and announcements. Which results in very little time on Facebook. Thanks girls!